Grumpy old fart, or epic troll. You decide...

Today’s post is about the letters page in the very first issue of Personal Computer News, the same issue that contained the magnificent Apple Lisa review. In fact, it’s about one letter in particular.

RJ Parsons of Whitton, Middlesex has concerns. Deep concerns. I’ll let you read the whole letter for the full effect. See you in a bit…

There are a few sections that I want to comment on.

In the second paragraph, RJ (may I call you RJ?), sets out his main argument, that due to economic conditions in the UK at the time (March 1983), far too much time and money is being consumed producing computer games.

OK. Not sure I follow one hundred percent. The Falklands conflict was over, so it’s not like all the computers should have been hard at work knitting socks for our boys at the front.

In paragraph 4, the RJayster lets us know that hardware and software manufacturers are only partly to blame. Because you know who’s really to blame?

The buyer. The young buyer. The young buyers who in MC RJ’s day would be considered idiots (and who perhaps just may be the primary audience for this august publication?). He then throws in a couple of extra jabs i.e. layabouts with far too much money.

Next up? Blah, blah, blah, spelling errors, etc. OK, Mr. RJ-bargy. I think you perhaps you’re getting a bit hot under the collar at this point. The blood is up and you’re in full flow, typing away on your (I’m guessing) ZX80. But, you’re also starting to adopt a bit of a shotgun approach here.

The next paragraph is wonderful. Back in my day… everything was made of wood…. the best present we could hope for at Christmas time was a hard smack in the face. Full on “Four Yorkshiremen”.

Incidentally, for any youngsters out there, Ludo and Snakes and Ladders were euphemisms for masturbation.

He then goes on to suggest that the louts in question are experiencing a “full-scale implementation of their wildest fantasies”. On a Spectrum? You are aware you’re talking about (mostly) teenage boys here. Space Invaders and Pac-Man wasn’t the stuff they were fantasizing about (so I hear).

And he signs off not only by predicting that he will be dubbed a “square” but proudly accepting the mantle. Now it could just be me, but I’m not sure we used the word “square” much in the early ‘80s. I think it’s far more likely he’d be called a wanker.

You can only imagine the reaction to this letter. It went on for several issues, with many a self-righteous little twat informing RJP that they were not just playing games, they’re also studying theoretical physics or microbiology on their Oric 1. Here’s a quote from just one of them;

“Surely it’s better to spend hours calculating complex mathematics to land a spaceship on the moon, or exercise memory and strategy in an adventure game, rather than to doze off watching Crossroads or some mind-dulling TV quiz special.”

Nope. What home computer did you have, pal? A second-hand Houston Mission Control?

BTW, although I didn’t write a letter to JR Fucking-Hartley, I was a self-righteous little twat about this too. Indignant? Yer darn tootin’.

But the real reason I was indignant was that Mr. Enormous-stick-up-his-arse had called us on our bullshit. Of course, we were just buying home computers to play games. We may have discussed “educational value” with our parents while trying to part them from their cash, but as soon as Manic Miner loaded, it was all over.

Well, that went on a bit longer than I expected, but let me tell you, I feel a whole lot better now.

One thing keeps bugging me though. How did RJ Parsons know that there was a magazine coming out that he should write to? Isn’t the wording just a little bit over the top, that specific words were perhaps selected to cause the maximum offense to the bold young pioneers of the home computer revolution? I think we were being trolled. Goddammit!